Remembering The Why Part 1: Negative Feedback

Do you ever stop in the middle of a project and think: “What on earth am I doing here?” I get that a lot. Especially when I’ve been going round and round with a problem in my head and I don’t know where to turn. Especially when my self-esteem dips to below zero and I’m left wondering whether what I’m doing will really make a difference at all. But every now and then, I get this little nudge reminding me why I love writing and why I love books. Last, week, I got to have a nice long chat with some mentors from my church’s evangelism group, and I was left with that pilot light relit and the flames of my passion rekindled.

It’s so incredible how similar Marc and Michelle are to Ben and Lanie. I really think God put them into my life for a reason. I was in a bad mood (borderline anxiety) when I first met Michelle during my first official time at the evangelism meeting, but she was so loving and kind, explaining things to me and guiding me through. Still, though, I planned to go to a small group that involved sitting around the fire and getting warm, even though I felt the nudge to go with Michelle to serve outside one of the homeless shelters. But as I was waiting to leave with the group that would be warm and seated and singing songs, there was a call specifically for volunteers to go with Michelle’s group – and I knew I couldn’t ignore it. And ever since, it’s been an incredible journey, even if it’s frightening sometimes.

If you Have Faith Like a Mustard Seed….

A lot of people might say that was just a coincidence. Maybe I was putting calm vibes into the universe and manifested the third bus, and the kindness of the that bus driver. But there are a lot of little things in my life that I get so anxious over, and then things turn out okay in pretty unexpected ways. Not because of anything I did. And it’s things like that which I try to remember when I get confused about what I read in the Bible or what a trusted Christian leader tells me. I remember that Jesus’ light yoke is what helps me walk on the waters of these storms, and that I can trust in his small and big miracles, even if I have yet to defy the laws of physics. In today’s our Daily Bread reading, Jesus prayed in Matthew 26 for God not to let him drink from the cup and be crucified, if it was possible. Jesus knew what the plan was, even that he wouldn’t stay dead for long, but it didn’t make it any easier to handle.

Maybe Pharaoh Was On to Something….

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Following God is a Mistake, Don’t Do it

Jesus was perfect, and that perfection included questions and sadness and a wish that things could be different. But He still took God’s hand, crying and shaking though He was, and walked on.

Just like Peter. In Matthew 14, he sees Jesus walking on the water. Everyone else on the boat is like, “Wtf?” and Jesus is like, “Yo, it’s your homeboy. Stop stressin.” And Peter’s like, “Bro, you trippin. If it’s REALLY You, tell me to come roll with ya.” And Jesus is like, “Dude.” And Peter was like, “Dude!” And then he saw the waves, and was like, “dude….” And Jesus saved Him, and is like, “Dude. Seriously?”

They’re Choking

“Are you saying you want to die?” Her voice was even, without any judgment, but her fingers tightened against his head.

“Yes. No. Sometimes. I just don’t want to feel this anymore. I do belong with those men. And that kills me. I think the same way that they do. That I deserve to be angry. That everything that happened is your fault, and that I was just some sort of victim of circumstance. That any time I thought about hurting you or almost did hurt you, that it was just natural, that it’s better that I think about it, because that’s what’s keeping me from doing it.

Backward Circles – My Fake (Future?) TV Show

The darkness is often hidden in the light. The light can be blinding, and nothing is as innocent as it seems. In this dark and twisted tale, Lanie, Ben, and Jake must navigate life after they return from a disastrous mission trip in Somalia. Their small town of Kirkby, Alberta, is the root of the abuse and neglect that has wreaked havoc on their minds and shaken their belief in God. Eaten by guilt, Lanie must return to the seedy underbelly of her life to keep Ben safe from the danger that has brought them all home. Jake vowed to protect Ben from anyone, including Lanie, but finds it difficult not to answer the call from the sirens of his violent past. And Ben isn’t sure what Jake’s problem is, because he’s pretty sure Lanie is the answer to all his drunken prayers – no matter what she has to say about it. As they search for answers about love, faith, and life, these three are haunted by shared traumas that could destroy not only themselves, but each other, if they don’t face it once and for all.

Graceful Jake McGuinness

So i discovered a thing. My original intention was to find one of those things where you can make a robot read a bunch of examples and then generate it’s own version of the work, and I ended up finding Plot Generator. It’s basically mad libs, where you put in a bunch of information and then it gives you a story. It can be really funny because even though you’ll be putting in info thinking it will be used one way, it ends up being completely different.

The More The Merrier

“Do you believe that he brings people together for a reason? I keep thinking I might be deluding myself that I can be there for her and Dre. How can someone like me be what they need? But I can’t leave.”

“Why do you want to leave?”

“Because I don’t deserve them. Not even a little.”

He wasn’t sure what Rowan saw in his face, because he didn’t even know that he was about to cry until she scooted over to him, and wrapped him in a hug. For a moment, he was stunned, but then he brought his hands up, and hugged her back, wrapped up in her floral, old-lady perfume. Though he was at least three times her size, he felt so small, once again.

Safe In His Arms Again

Rising gracefully, he eased the guitar to hang across his back. He was wearing a white shirt, which usually dimmed the intensity of his eyes, but today he looked so happy that nothing could erase their gleam. They were like fiery diamonds. “I’m so glad you’re alive,” he said, sitting on the bed and leaning over to kiss her.

She caressed the soft bristles of his face, then twined her fingers in his silky waves. They were longer, curling at the ends and brushing the back of his neck. His skin smelled like hibiscus, and his breath tasted like cinnamon. She sighed into his familiar warmth.

“How long have I been out?”

Just a Small Neurotic Break

Lanie was clearly going through some sort of mental breakdown. And oh, was it something to behold. The violent dance of death was beautiful. Terrifying. And strangely intimate. Jealousy prodded Ben, in the same place where she’d poked her stick into his belly. It wasn’t that he wanted to be in Jake’s place right then. But just to share that closeness with her. To have her attention fully on him, acutely aware of every inch of his body and every move he made. Jake and Lanie seemed to read each other’s minds.