Whatever I do, I'm always one step behind Wherever I go, there's always somewhere else I must be However I act, it's never reflected how I feel Whoever I talk to, I never say the right thing Whenever I manage to get ahead, time always stops And I must wait frozen for it to catch up with me And I am one step behind once again.
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We write to taste life twice, in the moment and in retrospect.
― Anais Nin
Lidi 
It’s like this : whenever I try to get out of my depressive mood and try to foz things, slowly, I actually end up messing up because I missed the timing, or because I was too hasty. And when I think that the good days are finally here, BAM! bad news, bad news, bad news, coming my way and beating me down, then I get depressed again, and it’s a frustrating cycle. I feel like I’m slowly going mad and I want to break free from this cycle, but whenever I try I just start a new one that’s either slower or more painful. It’s like I can’t win against whatever it is that’s making all of it happen 😩
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Ugh preach. I can really identify with that, it’s so demoralizing and frustrating. So out of control, even when it feels like things might be going well! The cycle is exhausting
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