“Are you saying you want to die?” Her voice was even, without any judgment, but her fingers tightened against his head.
“Yes. No. Sometimes. I just don’t want to feel this anymore. I do belong with those men. And that kills me. I think the same way that they do. That I deserve to be angry. That everything that happened is your fault, and that I was just some sort of victim of circumstance. That any time I thought about hurting you or almost did hurt you, that it was just natural, that it’s better that I think about it, because that’s what’s keeping me from doing it.
That was it – the not enough. It was hazardous for him. As much as he enjoyed the thrill of triumphing over his temptations, there were times when he was too close to the edge, past the point of thrill and almost unable to come back. To the point where the craving nearly closed over his head and drowned him.
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