Perfection

#strongwomen #writer #author #entrepreneur #blog #blogger #canadian #alberta #kingdom #faith #forgiveness #jesus #love #redemption

This morning I was journaling and waiting for my son to finish getting dressed and making his bed. I was feeling pretty low, and feeling pretty sure that God couldn’t still love me after all the horrible things I’ve done, and the people I’ve hurt. I told him about other women I knew my age who have everything I want – a close relationship with God, a stable upbringing, successful businesses, lots of kids, faithful, loving husbands, completed education. Women my age who seem to always choose right, who just have so much peace. Obviously God has affection for them. Obviously He delights in them. He probably tolerates me with exasperation at best, and outright can’t stand me in reality. I just felt so inadequate, and so far from what I hoped to be and have and do in my life. Just worthless.

So I’m crying over my journal, when suddenly my little comes in, also crying. Very unexpectedly, because I thought I’d have more time. “I can’t make my bed perfect,” he whimpers in a very small voice, very worried, frustrated, and sad.

Instantly I’m shocked, like cold water over the head. My heart went out to him, and I scooped him up and squeezed the life out of him. For a moment I just held him and we both cried. How could a 4-year-old be so worried about making his bed? Then I told him I love him, and that his bed doesn’t have to be perfect. What matters is that he tries, and that he cares. Then I started listing all the people who love him – he’s got like 15 grandparents alone (grandparents, step-grandparents, great-grandparents, step-great-grandparents, some he’s never even met). He kept going with the list, and then he told me, “At least I’m an expert at doing puzzles.” Yay for a self-esteem boost. Then we went together and I helped him straighten out his bed, and make it good enough – still with scrunched up bits that I didn’t bother trying to make smooth.

So, I don’t know, man. If God really does feel about us the same way I feel about my son, maybe He does still love me, and want to hold me and tell me everyone that loves me and everything He loves about me. I’m sure if I had more children, like these other women I envy, I would love them equally if one of them couldn’t make beds and one of them was an expert. If one was an angel who always obeyed and one was a broken addict like me. Maybe like the prodigal son and his brother? I’m sure I would hold them both, no matter how hard one of them tried to run away. I’m still struggling with believing that God might feel affection and nice feelings about me. But maybe He did give me that sign this morning. And I’m grateful for my little fiend, for better or for worse.

Thanks for Stopping by!

I hope you liked what you saw. What did you think of the topic? Leave a comment and start a discussion with your thoughts! Don’t forget to like and share with your best friends, mortal enemies, and everyone in between. Come back later to see if your icon appears in my subscriber cloud! Even better, validate my work by leaving a tip to support this (not actually) starving author. You can also support my company, Planet Hope Christian Enterprising, by donating to our crowdfunds on at GoFundMe and FundRazr down below. We are a non-profit providing pay-what-you-can creative and communication services to individuals and organizations – including you! By donating, you can help us reach our goal to provide top-rate creative and support services to charities and others who would like our help. But we can’t do it without your support, so even if you can’t give financially, please like, share, subscribe, and comment. Many blessings to you today and every day.

Never miss a post!

“May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him.”
~ Romans 15:13

One-Time
Monthly
Yearly

If you enjoy my work and would like to support me, some ways include: spread the word to your circles, interact with the content, and leave me a tip! Ongoing contributions are welcome.

Make a monthly donation

Make a yearly donation

Choose an amount

C$5.00
C$15.00
C$100.00
C$5.00
C$15.00
C$100.00
C$5.00
C$15.00
C$100.00

Or enter a custom amount

C$

Thanks for supporting my dreams.

Your contribution is appreciated.

Your contribution is appreciated.

Leave TipLeave TipLeave Tip

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s