A Saviour’s Path

Lanie has been wandering for ten years trying to get as far as possible from the traumas of her past, and keep herself from caving in. Though she was taught to rely on God to be there for her, no one protected her when she needed it the most, so she’s taken over her grandfather’s charity and saving children the way she wishes she’d been saved. If she doesn’t help them, who will? If God won’t even protect innocent children who have no one else, what’s even the point of Him? As she waits for….something, avoiding going home and dealing with the sleazy Foundation stakeholders, she does her best to distance herself from the useless beliefs that were beaten into her as a child, and eradicate the voice that keeps calling her back. But she’s not certain how long she can keep this up – surely she’s got to get her life back on track one day. It’s been ten years, for crying out loud. Surely the danger has passed by now. One more mission, one more project, and then she’s determined to go home, no matter what might be waiting for her.

But this year’s mission goes wrong from the start: not only is her long-term fling not coming, but the new architect in charge of rebuilding the bombed-out school is a walking disaster, and she’s never been busier trying to keep a full-grown man from peril. Ben, by the way, is in the middle of an existential crisis or whatever, and in general, he’s not really sure what he’s doing with his life. There aren’t enough drugs, parties, or women in the world to make him happy, and the cushy volunteer work he’s been gratifying himself with doesn’t satisfy him anymore. Some blood, sweat and tears, along with a little mortal danger, should keep his mind off missing the trappings of his old life, right? And sure, maybe he’s looking for God, or something, after that weird experience he had in rehab. But his determination to sacrifice himself for others, and his basic lack of respect for his own life, make Lanie want to literally kill him. Well, when she’s not entertaining other perplexing fantasies, which make no sense, because he’s not her type. Truly. More than that, he threatens to demolish everything that’s been keeping her personal demons at bay, and she’s pretty sure she doesn’t want to watch her walls crumble around her. Until one night, their world is torn apart, and their fates are forever soldered together in a flaming blaze of glory, and the road home might be closer than either of them thought.

#strongwomen #writer #author #entrepreneur #blog #blogger #canadian #alberta #kingdom #faith #bookcover #novel #author #breakout #debut

Everyone wants to know: how does one truly save? Rescuing, protecting, sacrificing, substituting, pruning, or redeeming? Can you really fling God out of your life so hard that He won’t come after you and show you the true paths of evil and salvation?

  • Some Alone Time
    Lanie found herself wishing she was back in Qalcad, facing down raiders and gunfire and explosions rather than spend one more minute having dinner with her son.
  • A Little White Lie
    Once again, she was walking on a cloud. A very hot, very steamy cloud.
  • The Love of His Life
    She wasn’t sure where she even was for a minute. It had been a long time since he’d done that to her, and she still wasn’t sure if he fully understood the power he had over her. She wasn’t sure if he knew that she would do absolutely anything for him, no matter the cost, no matter what. She would give him the heart out of her chest if he asked.
  • Discoveries
    “He’s given me no choice! It’s either this, or knock him out, or tie him up. He’s too emotionally involved, on so many levels. He’s being unprofessional, and so I have to as well. If you guys were thinking clearly, and really cared about him, you’d also want to make sure that he doesn’t get hurt, or hurt someone else, or mess things up for the entire program.”
  • Finally Home
    And he played “The Story” by Sarah Ramirez. Dre joined in, and then the girls tried to sing it as well. Soon, the little monsters were able to sing, “I was made for you,” almost on time and in tune.
  • Proposal
    She couldn’t contain the question. It was out of her before she could stop it, and she wasn’t sure she wanted to, even if she could. If Ben was serious, she needed to know.
  • Forever and Always
    Here was the woman whose daughter he’d hurt. The woman who, today, might have been his mother-in-law, if things had been different. What would it have been like to be part of the Anderson family?
  • The House That Built Me
    Impulsively, Ben reached out his arms and hugged him. It felt strange, to cross this barrier between rivals and friendship. At that moment, Jake was not the man that Lanie had chosen first. He was simply a man, like Ben, trying his best and hoping to leave his mark.
  • Helpless
    She looked up the ceiling. Why this, again? At this point, she should just tell him, but she’d been lying about it so long that it was habit.
  • True Confessions
    Deciding not to be offended, he indulged her. Sometimes his words just needed to come out, and right now, he had things to say
  • Art Is Life
    She leaves him for the other side of the tiered circle of stone benches surrounding the big open fire pit. Thankfully, he doesn’t try to follow her. Mickey’s already roasting some marshmallows among the throng of people with long sticks.
  • Getting Existential
    No matter what happened to her, no matter what bruises she’d had to hide, she knew she would have him. Even if they had never spoken. Even if he was always at the front of the sanctuary, and she was always at the back, one of hundreds of faces that he didn’t even see through the stage lights and his closed eyes.
  • Close Call
    #strongwomen #writer #author #entrepreneur #blog #blogger #canadian #alberta #chapter #romance #drama #novel #asaviourspath #excerpt #writing “Is this real?” She groped … More
  • Memories from Beyond
    There were lines around her eyes that made it hard to look at her. Her usual mass of escaped curls hung limp and scraggly around her face, and he wondered at the last time she had taken a shower. Or done anything for herself, really. What would she be doing now, if she didn’t have him to look after?
  • Moonlight Confessions
    But this last year had changed him. Cleansed him. He’d gotten what he’d been searching for by undertaking this little challenge.
  • Sleepovers
    Lanie’s wondered when her life would stop feeling so surreal. This wrinkle in time that she’d fallen into felt like a dream.
  • Dig a Little Deeper
    He is just so full of life, and apparently doesn’t hold grudges, despite his tirade against her earlier. Is this what he wanted all along? Just to work alongside her?
  • A Picture is Worth A Thousand Words
    It had been eleven years, and he hadn’t really thought about seeing her again, and what he would say. But although there was so much and yet not enough to say, the least he could do was let her know how much he regretted what he’d done to her.
  • Bringing In Reinforcements
    Cursing more savagely now, Lanie stepped toward him. This was not the meeting she’d envisioned between the two of them. And at the same time, now that it was happening, she felt an inexplicable dark mood settle over her.
  • Pain Management
    “So why would I tell you that I’m in pain, then? You always act like it’s my fault. You’re never on my side.”
  • Isn’t it Funny?
    “No one is getting killed! Henry has never done anything to her. All he’s going to do is find her and serve her the papers. You know how much she values her privacy. She’d rather settle with me than go to court. This will be over quickly. And you girls will be set for life.”
  • Jail Bird Rock
    She smiled at him, her blood beginning to settle she reached for the detached calmness of a mission. This was just like any other hit. And oh, how good it would feel to release this tension.
  • Kissed By An Angel
    So, he hadn’t been that upset when his wife had taken the boy and run off. Good riddance.
  • What Was it All For
    He regarded her, keeping his expression closed off. It was hard to tell what he was thinking, now that his face was completely covered in bushy dark hair, and his bangs hung in his eyes.
  • Memories in the Moonlight
    I will always love your mother, Dre. It’s not something that will ever go away.
  • Ships in A Bottle
    Hugging herself tightly, she tried to breathe past the stiffness in her lungs. At least he was talking to her again. She wasn’t sure if she preferred the silent treatment, but she tried to believe that this would be better in the long term.
  • A Slow Decline Into Madness
    She turned on the most plaintive look she could muster. Soon, she’d fill him on her plans, but right now she had to find a way to get the pounding out of her head. “I need to kill something, Jake. If I don’t, this stress is going to do me in.”
  • Nightmares
    “Do you understand that you utterly, utterly broke me? I trusted you. I loved you, I poured my dreams and my fears into you.”
  • All the Pretty Little Horses
    Dre considered. Not for the sexually gratifying possibilities, but because of the duck. That happy yellow duck with those gentle, cleansing hands. The duck didn’t have to do anything other than be, and the hands did everything else, washing away the blackness that there was no hope of dealing with alone.
  • One Step At A Time
    He’s under forty. Women want his attention everywhere he goes. He has a lot going for him. And now, he’s found a place he loves, after years of wandering and wondering whether his life was adding anything to the world.
  • Deadly Mistake
    Nothing made her angrier than insinuations that she had feelings for him. Since it was such a laughable idea. But instead of the blazing anger he had braced for, she seemed to scrutinize him.
  • Underestimated
    Reluctantly, Ben tore his eyes from the doorway, then heaved himself off the ground and went to Lanie. Instantly, she was surrounded by the cloud of his stink. He reeked of alcohol and body odour. She wondered if the babies stunk now, too.
  • Everything Explodes
    With each step toward the bunkhouse, she ached to go back, and stay with him for ever in the world of their dance. She felt unsure of her next move on this treacherous terrain that she’d been walking for so long.
  • A Secret Admirer
    A blind, all-consuming, homicidal rage cast the bleakest of black shadows in his soul.
  • Broken Dreams
    He was there for her after she went home. For a while, her old friends from church, including Lilah, were, “So sorry,” and wondered, “Why didn’t you just call me?”
  • Biggest Fear
    Part of him wants to turn away, to cover himself. But for once, he feels no shame around her.
  • Marital Strife
    He sighed, hating the way his mood tried to plummet. But he wouldn’t let it.
  • Nesting
    The familiar sense of anger, confoundment, and betrayal rose up in him again, but he forced himself to focus on his goal.
  • A Gift for You
    If only she could go up to that idealist, so much like her and yet so different, and scream in her face:
  • Memory Lane
    At first, he felt nothing. It was peculiar. Usually, he felt so many things that he couldn’t number or contain them.
  • Party Time
    Not about to give up an opportunity to show off his excellent dance moves, he tugged on Lilah until she came with him.
  • One More Hit
    Ben barely touched her anymore, looking at her like she was made of exquisite glass, with a mixture of awe and trepidation. The few times they’d had sex since he found out about the pregnancy, she was certain he was holding back tears.
  • The Meaning of Love
    For weeks, she’d been tamping down her panic, telling herself that she wasn’t going to let anything ruin this for her. This was the one. This baby was the one she had prayed for when she was a child. And she wasn’t going to take a moment for granted.
  • An Unexpected Visitor
    It was quiet now. Holding her breath, she peered around the corner, and despite her best efforts and preparation for the worst, she was so wired and strung out from all that had happened yesterday that she couldn’t help but scream when she saw the hulking mass of man on her couch. Without thinking any further, she fired.
  • First Sight
    It was the one question she hadn’t dared to ask. Whether he had stayed with her because he felt he owed her some sort of debt of gratitude. She thought she couldn’t bare the answer to that one, even if her motives had originally stemmed from that guilt.
  • Angel of Music
    And before Ben knew it, he had all the cables set up, all of the inputs patched into the soundboard, and was equalizing the audio while the band did a soundcheck.
  • Cut
    She looked up, and he saw the glistening sheen in her dark eyes. “You saved me.” She hugged him, reached around to stroke his rough, naked back.
  • We Interrupt this Program
    He tried to come toward her, and she stepped back, watching him carefully to make sure he didn’t try to pounce. Though she had gotten better under his tutelage, she couldn’t match his litheness and speed in a dress.
  • Drinking Games
    He couldn’t quite see the colour in Fletcher’s eyes, but he could see the path they took from his hands and then back up to his face. Quite without meaning to, he touched the side of Fletcher’s jaw, intrigued by the stubble there. And then, also without meaning to, he leaned forward and brushed his lips there, until he found the spot he was looking for.
  • Let’s Give ’em something to talk about
    She could feel her resistance crumbling, her will bending toward his, her heart absorbing his words. She fought harder, not knowing why she didn’t just leave. Walk away. Then there would be nothing to argue about.
  • Red Light, Green Light
    “It’s about fun. Safety. Becoming someone else, for a little bit, using the darkness and pain to bring someone else pleasure. It’s like, the ultimate middle finger to everything I grew up with. Letting out the darkness without being seen as a monster…well, except that one time.”
  • Home
    Focusing on the irritated part of her brain helps to drown out the part that can’t keep from smiling at the sight of a man happily playing with a little girl. She wishes she could send a picture of it to hell for her own father. The only problem will be finding out which circle to find him in.
  • Can Canned Can Can ?
    But that familiar old feeling was so strong. Like she was running on a treadmill and giving it everything she had, and still going nowhere. Figuratively, anyone. Beyond the fact that she had come home and since then had literally gone nowhere. It didn’t seem to matter how many hospitals she built, how many orphanages, how many schools. They were drops in a bottomless bucket.
  • When we all Work together
    From a mental distance, she felt herself actively rejecting any implications surrounding Ben’s cardiac arrest. The look in Wallstead’s eyes could only precede the suggestion of one course of action. Logic dictated that the fatal inevitable was going to win here.
  • Strange Scent
    he rubbed his chin, and thought of Tynan, one of his rowdy kindergarteners, and Kwasi, the sweet, brilliant boy in the hospital who’d wanted Ben to adopt him. He could picture the orphanage on the compound – all the beautiful kids who needed a home. Seeing them, he’d been so close to giving up on his dreams.
  • Going for A Walk
    She couldn’t hold it in anymore. A laugh escaped. At his startled expression, another one flew from her mouth. And then she was bent over double, holding her stomach and chortling so hard she could barely breathe. In only one second, he was joining her, the deep melody the most beautiful music she’d ever heard.
  • Nasty Fall
    He still doesn’t seem to understand that he’s playing with fire, though, and the mischievous glint remains in his eyes. “Have you ever killed anyone?” he asks conspiratorially.
  • The One Rule
    Ever the gentleman, Jake followed her lead, closely watching her and adjusting his manner accordingly. They ate their fill of snacks, watching each other across the table. It had been so long since she’d had company.
  • Intimacy
    All those people. Hundreds? Yet none of them were here. He didn’t get any visitors other than her and Jake. He was making friends with all the staff at the hospital, charming them with his good looks and charisma, but Lanie had the feeling that he would walk through the smoke of those casual relationships too.
  • Remember When
    Love. Love had taken a hold of him like a vice, just for that one moment, and he hadn’t been able to breathe. He didn’t know whether it was God, and if so, which one. He’d vowed to make amends, and do whatever it took to make himself worthy of that box of dreams. On pain of hell or bad karma or whatever cosmic consequences would hold him accountable, he was determined to change.
  • Blessings in Disguise
    hose huge eyes narrowed, and he realized they looked particularly big because of the goop applied so expertly to them that it naturally enhanced her eyelashes. She caught her lip, the same candy-pink as her high heels, between her bottom teeth, and regarded him with a look so unlike her usual haughty poutiness, that he suspected she’d entered a new phase in her emotional development – self-actualization. Crap.
  • It’s Not Your Story To Tell
    It was always predictable, the death of hope. To hope was to fall, after all. To love was to kill, and to trust was to die. It started in the eyes, when the attempt to be brave or laugh it off or remain stoic gave way to the tiniest crack of doubt. And then, that glass box of hope would bust wide open, unable to contain the mortal terror that burst forth. Sometimes, when the torrent had slowed to a trickle, there would be acceptance.
  • When it All Comes Out
    “If that’s what God wants me to do, then I’m definitely not going. If God really doesn’t let anyone be lost, then that means that Sean and my grandfather and my father are up there. And I really can’t stomach that, because they deserve to rot in hell more than anyone else. “
  • Magnum Opus
    She sank her fingers deeper, closing her eyes, imagining the feel of his thick, black hair, his impossibly warm arms. She pressed her ear to the ground near the head of the grave, where she thought his heart might be. She listened, and she waited, but just like in the garden when he’d had that white guitar, she heard nothing. It was just one of a million quiet summer days.
  • The Saviour’s Tower
    She didn’t remember how she got there, but she knocked on the open door of room 245. Only one bed was occupied. The woman was covered in bandages, and the places that didn’t have bandages were bruised and swollen. She was plugged into almost every wire and tube in existence. Lanie was still staring when Susan’s eyes slit open.
  • Not a Casserole in Sight
    She glared at him, fighting the tears that spilled into her eyes. He looked just like his father. That’s what was different. He looked so much like Ben now that it cut her to the center of her being.
  • Pining Away
    “If you loved him, then don’t do this to him. Don’t throw away the four people he loved more than anything in the world.”
  • One in A Million
    Although I try not to, I can’t help but stare I know in my heart that I shouldn’t dare Even to look at an angel like you An angel so lovely, so pure, and so true
  • Don’t Mess With Her
    She couldn’t take this lying down. She wouldn’t. Later, when her brain could hold onto a thought for more than a minute, they would pay.
  • Getting to Know One Another
    Now, he cocked his head at her. The light grey of his shirt tamped down the brightness of his eyes, darkening them to rainclouds.  They were dilating now, and widened with surprised curiosity. “Do you think I’d submit to you?”
  • In My Daughter’s Eyes
    Nobody except for Alexandra, who peered around the corner with wide, dark eyes, just like Fiona and Melanie’s, just like Nima and Emilia, just like Sakina and countless generations of de la Torre women. Except real de la Torres didn’t stay stuck in the shadows, not like Zarah.
  • Broken Dreams
    “Ben, if you won’t let me look, you should let the Chief. Someone has to assess you. Or do you want me to take you to the hospital?” Although McGuinness says it gently, Ben flinches as though he’s been offered a trip to the morgue
  • New Patients
    This morning, while her other daughters slept, the mother made two shrouds. One for her child, one as a donation for a future corpse. Or maybe she wishes she could use it for herself.
  • The Life of Their Dreams
    “I think he’s stupid. He doesn’t stop to think about what would happen to him, and he puts the burden on everyone else to look out for him, and patch him up, and save him.”
  • Cooler Than Me
    His introspective mood popped on a sudden, sharp spike of mischief. It was Dre’s turn to take in Fletcher with his eyes.  “I don’t think you can handle my kind of fun, Choirboy.”
  • Oh, What I Wouldn’t Do
    His lungs were filled with razors. His head was a balloon about to burst. His whole body was agony, and a tiredness as heavy as an elephant lay on him.
  • Too Far
    She pressed against him, making him moan and kiss her deeper, playing his tongue in her mouth. For a moment, she pulled away. “B,” she whispered against him. “Touch me. I need you to – ”  
  • Beautiful Surprise
    “The last time I saw him, we had a minor disagreement about methods for disciplining a seven-week old baby.”
  • Good Morning, Beautiful
    “Don’t tell me to calm down!” With help, the man was able to pry his fingers from her grasp. Frantically, she tried to jerk her arms, but they were bound. She tried to kick one of the doctors, but her legs wouldn’t move. Her head was killing her, and she felt like she’d been rolled over by a truck.
  • When I Get Where I’m Going
    The Voice. The one she couldn’t seem to get rid of, no matter how far she tried to run, or where she tried to hide. She would have to try harder, later, but for now, she was just glad not to be alone. Safe in his arms. A temporary truce.
  • Your Move
    who he was. He was caring, and nurturing. He was creative and patient, and liked to serve. He wasn’t the type who would intimidate anyone, much less be abusive. Much less hurt a woman. A child. Yet…
  • The Other Side of the Door
    It was one of a million casual touches that he’d shared with her and the rest of their friend group over the last few months. Yet, a tiny little warning light flickered in the back of his mind. But he laughed at it. This was Lanie’s best friend.
  • If I Could Read Your Mind, Love
    “Don’t think this means anything, you big oaf,” Lanie muttered from her chair as she huddled in the corner, eying the hulking mass of tubes and wires and man on the bed. Jake had practically thrown her in before and shut the door in her face before she had time to get worked up into a full panic attack.  Now, all the helplessness and despair of flying Ben home was coming back. Once again, she had the thought that she could breathe deeper for him, giving him the vital oxygen that would keep him alive.
  • Character Profile: Ben
    Get to know Ben, one of the main characters in the Saviour’s Path series. Light spoiler warning. Although Ben is a charmer with a lot of integrity, he has a lot of personal challenges that make it difficult for him to always do what he knows is right. He’s tired hurting those he cares about and just wants to know how he’s supposed to live his best life. Sometimes, he ends up turning to the dark side in ways he never thought possible.
  • The Road Ahead
    “It’s not a game to me, little one. It’s a very delicate balance. Nothing is unexpected to me, and I know exactly what I’m doing. I know what needs to happen for my plan to work out. But I’m still a dreamer, Lanie. I know every possible outcome and future that could have existed, and I dream of what I would do for my children if they listened to me sooner.” He sighed a deep sigh, and a contrastingly warm breeze rustled the trees around them, and she felt it even through the icy gale. “But, even that dream of Ben growing old with you wouldn’t lead to the best possible future. Of course, I know what you would do, as much as I wished you wouldn’t. I tried to tell you that. I knew the ripple effects would bring about my exact will.”
  • Daddy’s Home
    Daddy will let go of Toto, who will fall with his face in the flowers. That’s when Andre will notice that the back of Toto’s blue shirt is dark like it’s got grape juice on it. The whole back of his shirt has changed colour. Mommy will start screaming in a way that Andre has never heard, no matter what Daddy does to her. The sound will make Andre want to run away as far as he can, and it makes his skin feel prickly.
  • Upside Down
    It was a photo that she didn’t recognize. An extreme closeup of her face, with her hand tucked behind her ear and several wisps of her hair floating out in front of her. She appeared to be surrounded by a gauzy white fabric that partly obscured her. With a soft smile on her face, she seemed to be looking down at something. Confusion filled her. “When was this?”
  • Keep Away
    “Kid, I’ve been driving all night. Can you let me sleep for a few hours? Can you just stay in your room, and don’t touch anything, and read the books in there? I think there’s a puzzle, too. A couple of them. Read the books, do the puzzles, and don’t do anything else. Okay?”
  • Finally Getting Into It
    For some reason, Lilah’s unquestioning  acceptance made  Lanie’s fists clenched. “You know what? None of this is supposed to be happening. From the minute of that explosion, my whole life has been turned upside down. When my grandfather died, I promised myself I would never, ever let a man control me ever again. I wanted to focus on helping children. That’s it. And I did that.”
  • The Graveyard
    “Do you ever feel like you’ll wake up one day, and be in your real life? The simple, uncomplicated life?” Chelsea thinks every day about going back to New York when her mother is finally done grieving her dad and can face their home again.  But Emma Wallstead has a long memory when it comes to grief, and Chelsea has the feeling that she might have to make the trip alone, and lose her last remaining parent.
  • The Story Teller
    #strongwomen #writer #author #entrepreneur #blog #blogger #canadian #alberta #poetry #poem #adultery #cheating #revenge It’s Kind of A Funny Story But … More
  • Who Says You Can’t Go Home?
    “No!” she bellowed, as loud as her destroyed voice would allow. “For once in my life, save someone I care about! What good are you, if you just let us die without caring? Save him!” She closes her eyes. She deserves it. She doesn’t have that moment of wanting to be saved. She’s been fighting for so long. Too long. The fighting is just too much.  But…Ben.
  • The Real Tea
    Thoughts shatter discordantly around her in an endless cacophony. She’s broken protocol. She shouldn’t have taken this on by herself. And now she’s going to die. Quite suddenly, quite unexpectedly unable to speak, unable to move because of the concrete weight of him. Two minutes ago, she’d just been looking for a snack. Now, the end. She closes her eyes. She deserves it. She doesn’t have that moment of wanting to be saved. She’s been fighting for so long. Too long. The fighting is just too much.  But…Ben.
  • Remembering The Why Part 4: Writing In Circles
    I love those moments when something just clicks. I’ll write something for no reason other than to have something to say, and later I’ll get an amazing idea of how to connect it all together. Again, just walking through the world and seeing what I find that I want to show to others. It’s like I’ve got these dolls that I’m playing with, except that they talk to me and move on their own. Sometimes I give them a nudge or a drop them in a new setting, and then I record the simulation because of how fascinating I find it.
  • They’re Choking
    “Are you saying you want to die?” Her voice was even, without any judgment, but her fingers tightened against his head. “Yes. No. Sometimes. I just don’t want to feel this anymore. I do belong with those men. And that kills me. I think the same way that they do. That I deserve to be angry. That everything that happened is your fault, and that I was just some sort of victim of circumstance. That any time I thought about hurting you or almost did hurt you, that it was just natural, that it’s better that I think about it, because that’s what’s keeping me from doing it.

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