Cumulation

Dear Tav,

You foolish, foolish man. You don’t know what you’re missing out on, do you? Do you care? How can our family be so disposable to you? I’m sorry that having a wife and child wasn’t enough for you. I’m sorry for whatever is so broken inside you that you can somehow justify abandoning your family and leaving me to do everything alone.

You’re not here to hear Arian ask about you and wonder where you are. You’re not here to deal with the screaming tantrums and melt-downs. You’re not here to see the damage you have left behind. Well, good for you. I hope you’re living it up and enjoying your dream life of freedom. I hope it was worth breaking the vows you made. I really hope you’re just having the best time, and that you’re pleased with yourself.

And how could I be so stupid? How could I have trusted you with my heart, with everything? With the heart of my child? What was I thinking? I could see the signs. I knew what you could be like. I should have kicked you out when she was still a baby. At least then she wouldn’t have any memories for you to steal from her.

But how could I? You were my whole world. Just the thought of losing you paralyzed me. I still don’t know how I can keep doing this without you. The real you, the one I married. Not this selfish, cold-hearted man who can leave his wife and child and feel nothing. The man who can make me laugh without even trying. The man who knows how to calm me down and soothe me. The kind, caring man who will just sit with his daughter while she has a 15-minute tantrum. The man I’ve gone on trips with, and cried with, and made love with, and given everything I had to. How can that man have just disappeared?

And what are we going to do now?

How can I tell you that I’m pregnant? I don’t even know why I let you in that night. I don’t know why, after all those years, I caved when you came to me. What on earth was I thinking? Even if you do come back, I will always know that it wasn’t for me. But why would you? If Arian doesn’t matter to you, why would this baby? I’m really not looking forward to being a single mother of two. One is already torture. I’m only glad that now Arian won’t be alone. Maybe they can go off and scream at each other and leave me alone and I can get a couple of minutes to myself.

Damn you, Octavius. Damn you to the darkest pits of hell where you belong.

Oh, so sincerely yours,

Romona

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