Honeymoon Hitch hikers – Chapter 3

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Somehow, even though I’ve hit a new low in my life, I feel better than I have in months. Maybe years. Fifteen minutes ago, I was crushed by the weight of my failure and the humiliation, and now I feel…almost light. Almost free. Like I’ve arrived home and am just about to unburden myself after the worst kind of bad day.

For the second time, I’ve inadvertently faked a medical condition and somehow been rewarded for it. Of course, I feel unbearably guilty for leading this kind, magically soothing stranger on. But if his belief that I’m a suicidal runaway bride keeps him with me for a few more hours, that’s not really my fault, is it? I didn’t ask him to assume that I was trying to jump off that bridge. Just like I didn’t ask for my mother to assume that I had fainted at the alter. Somehow, these things simply happened, and just when I thought I would die from embarrassment, it all worked out.

Before we leave, I make myself get my phone from the white purse in the backseat. “Sorry,” I mumble as I bumps into the man. “I just need to text my sister.”

His suggestion that one of my family members stay with me tonight is laughable. I can’t bear the thought of facing them. Of hearing my mother’s endless lectures and my sisters’ disappointed confusion. I know I should have stayed and tried to smooth things over at the wedding where both the bride and groom disappeared, especially since “important people” were there. Knowing that they were counting on me makes everything feel unbearably worse.  No doubt Aero’s grandfather will tear a strip off me the next time I see him. My mother is probably getting the brunt of it right now. All of it is just too much.

Ignoring the endless texts, voicemails, and missed calls, I go to Violet’s conversation: I had to get out of there. Please cover for me. I need some alone time, and I’m going to the lodge.

I bite my lip, trying to figure out whether to let Aero know I didn’t stay to cajole his precious guests. Since lying has been working for me so far, I think I’ll do it again. The delicious thrill of it feels addictive now. I’ve been bound up by proper behaviour for so long that being a little selfish and a little reckless feels like a vacation.

Hello darling. I got really, really sick and nearly threw up. I couldn’t stay, so I’m heading to the lodge to recuperate. Hope all goes well with your trip.

There. He’ll see it the next time he lands. And by then, I’ll have my life figured out enough to respond to whatever reaction he throws my way.

I risk a glance at the man. North. The way his legs are arranged around his backpack won’t be comfortable for the hour-and-a-half journey. “We can put your bag in the backseat.”

He grips it tighter, like he’s afraid I’ll take it from him. “It’s okay. Thank you, though.”

His reaction makes me wonder what he has in it. I have no idea what kind of man I have in my car, not technically. He seems sweet and kind, and I’m expertly practiced at reading people, but still. I suppose one could be sweet and kind and still have dangerous vices. Although part of me is scared, the other part is brimming with rebellious excitement. This is by far the most daring and improper thing I’ve ever done, and the thought of what Mom would say only makes it that much more irresistible.

I put the car in drive, then pause. Now my mind spins with thoughts of what my family and future family-in-law might be saying about me. On an experimental whim, I reach for the man’s hand. Without hesitation, he gives me a squeeze, and the pressure in my head lessens considerably. I let out a breath that I didn’t realize I was holding.

The steady rhythm of the windshield wipers matches my elevated heartrate as I try to convince myself that I’ve done nothing wrong. My bare feet on the pedals of the car ground me, and I realize how odd I must look. My hair a mess, no shoes, wearing the dress that fits me like a second skin. It’s quite tight, actually.

I shift uncomfortably as we exit downtown and head toward the Trans Canada highway. As we leave the city, I realize there’s a pin digging into my scalp. I rub my head on the headrest, trying to dislodge it.

“Lily? Are you okay?”

“I’m fine.” I must be coming down off the adrenaline of the afternoon. I yawn, blinking hard as I stare at the road.  

“It sounds like you’ve had quite a day,” he reasons.

He’s been sitting in pensive silence, still and calm. For some reason, the thought of him being there makes me want to cry. Even if I did trip and the whole thing is just an accidental misunderstanding, he caught me in a moment of desperate, cloying panic all the same. I left the wedding and started running, running toward that glimmering ribbon of water that called to me. Even in the darkness of the weather, it was beautiful.

But the thoughts started catching up with me. Suddenly, my stomach began to roil, and I started running for real. I had to reach the water before I threw up on the sidewalk.

And of course, just before I reached the railing, I tripped over my bare feet and nearly went plummeting head-over-heels.

He really did save me from an untimely accident. There’s no doubt about that. But I didn’t expect to be completely eviscerated by the man that caught me.

I couldn’t quite tell the colour of his eyes in his dark face. Whether they’re grey or green or mossy brown, they were the most compassionate and open eyes I’ve ever seen. His wildly scruffy beard clearly hasn’t been tended to in a long time, brushing against his green rain jacket. The tight black curls under his grey wool beanie are unkempt and unruly, just like his odorous clothes. But the strength in his arms and the work-roughened texture of his hands on my hands spoke of a grounded practicality that instantly made me feel safe. Not to mention the melodic tone of his sweet, empathetic voice as he coaxed those unflattering confessions out of me.

He didn’t turn away from me. He didn’t turn down my ridiculous suggestion of this impromptu trip. Sure, he likely has nothing better to do and is simply grateful for the early ride to his destination. Plus, there’s something in him that allows him to genuinely care for strangers. He’s got a spark of curiosity that I can sense even now, in the silence that he wraps around us like a soft blanket. Despite all of my rationalizations, part of me desperately wants to believe that a small part of him is doing this just for me. Just once, I imagine someone wanting to spend time with me without looking for anything back.

An unbidden sigh escapes. This smelly drifter stands between me and the ledge. This is what my life has come to.

As we head west, the flat, green fields made vibrant by the rain begin to dip and roll into foothills. On the gentle twists and turns of the highway, it’s easy to keep a hold of his hand. His chocolatey skin is the perfect temperature, only slightly cooler than mine. Every now and then he strokes me with his thumb, and I wonder if he’s thinking about saying something. I crave the smooth cadence of his voice.

“So, what’s your hotel in Banff?”

He shifts a little, stretching his legs around his backpack. “Oh, I’m not staying in Banff.”

“Canmore, then? I just want to know so I can tell the GPS.”

“Umm…I’m still figuring that out. You can drop me in the village, and then I’ll make my way from there.”

I bite my lip. “It looks like we’re driving into the storm, though. It won’t exactly be a good day to wander around.” The mountains are growing larger in the distance, blurred into grey smudges at the top as though by an eraser.

“I’ll be fine to hang out at the mall. It’s okay, Lily.”

I glance over at him. He’s got a soft smile nestled into his crinkly beard. I can’t quite tell how old he is, but I don’t think we’re that far apart. How could I possibly leave him in the middle of a tourist trap? That sense of panic is rising in me again, and I grip my lifeline tighter. “What if I hung out with you for a while?”

The smile turns wry, and something catches in my chest. “Won’t you be uncomfortable without any shoes?”

Despite his scruffiness, he’s got a really nice mouth. Dark lips, a perfect cupid’s bow. I don’t even wonder about the last time that he brushed his teeth. What would it be like to…

“Right.” Whoa. Where did that thought come from? Focus. He’s referring to more than just my lack of footwear. I’m a total mess. “Would it be alright if we stopped by my hotel first? That will give me a chance to get out of these clothes. Plus, more time for the storm to pass.”

He tilts his head in acquiescence. “Of course. I’m sure being more comfortable will help you feel better.”

He’s so easygoing. So accommodating. I feel no need to be perfect around him. I haven’t been put together at all for one second since I met him, and still he tolerates me. He’s so patient with me as I try to sort out the mess of my life.

I could probably tell him anything.

The feeling of wanting to cry is tight in my body again. But now it’s for a different reason: pure, overwhelming relief. Simply having someone care about what’s going on in my head is so unexpectedly critical. A key has turned in a that lock I didn’t know existed.  

“Yeah,” I finally croak. “I think it will.”

I shift again as I turn from his deep, open eyes. They tilt up the same way his lips do when he smiles. Those lips…

Wait. I don’t want anything to do with his lips, or anybody’s. He surely doesn’t want anything to do with mine. I couldn’t subject him to my one inexplicable ineptitude.

But what if you didn’t have to figure this out on your own?

Well…

You’ve only been given four more weeks, when even two years wasn’t enough. How much easier would it be with a practice partner?  

“So, about that kiss,” he muses, and the car jerks as I flinch. Did he read my mind? I honestly wouldn’t be surprised if he could.

“Whoa! Sorry.” He’s grabbed his backpack with both hands, not even reaching to stabilize himself. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I just thought I saw a deer. What were you saying?”

He blows air through his lips. “If you don’t mind my asking, what exactly happened? If it wasn’t an arranged marriage and you’ve been with him for years…”

Oh. I wrinkle my nose. That kiss. For some reason, the man sounds so worried about me. “I can’t kiss,” I blurt, because now that the key has been turned, the torrent won’t be contained.

The curiosity in his gaze is potent. “I’m not sure what you mean.”

I’m barely sure what I mean. I’ve never voiced this out loud before. To anyone. Even though I can’t quite put my finger on what my issue is, stumbling through it with him feels like the only thing I can do at that moment. “I just…I think it’s gross. Maybe?” That’s the closest I’ve ever come to explaining it to myself, even though that’s not quite it. “And I’ve been told I’m a bad kisser. But I’m working on it. I have to.”

“Have to?”

My face warms. “Yeah. Aero, my, ummm…” Are we technically even married? “He expects it. Like anyone would. I know it bothers him that I’m not really into it. The last thing I want to do is disappoint him. I need our marriage to work.”

He seems to chew that over for a moment, the gentle slope of his nose in profile as he gazes out the rain-streaked windshield. “He told you that you’re a bad kisser?” There’s an unexpected edge to his silky voice that tingles my spine. I hadn’t thought him capable of anything other than amiability. This hint that he could ever be irritated or even angry seems unbelievable.

“No, no. It wasn’t him. It was a few years before him. A different guy.” A different mark. “I don’t know. It’s one thing that’s always made me…anxious. I did my best with all the men beforehand, but it always felt like something was off. That guy before Aero was the first one to actually say it. That I’m great in bed, but a terrible kisser. He was drunk. Spouting off to his friends.”

My face heats at my unstoppable confession. I swallow, staring at an approaching pond laying in the dark green hills. I remember that very expensive, very large yacht. Alder was joking about sharing me with the rest of his friends. I tried to play along, of course, because Alder had a fat bank account and a saviour complex. On paper, he was the perfect candidate.

“This could be the one,” Mom kept insisting every time I expressed even the slightest hesitation. “We know you can do this, my flower.”

When we’d docked in Singapore, I met Kai at one of the clubs that Alder was so fond of. Kai took notice of me, and for some reason I didn’t mind. He seemed to sense that I was not having a good time, and he manoeuvred me into his friend group when Alder wasn’t looking. Things eventually got wildly out of hand, but for once, I wasn’t the centre of attention. Aero was called to straighten things out after the fire started, since he happened to be nearby, and that’s when I met the true hero of my story.

He wasn’t able to keep his eyes – or his hands – off me, ostensibly to comfort me outside the burning building. Something told me to play it up and let him white-knight me, even though I was jeopardizing my work with Alder. After assuring Aero that I wasn’t a party princess, as would be assumed by my association with his carousing, wild brother, I’d turned myself from the floaty, free, and flexible bimbo that Alder wanted into the elegant, sophisticated, devoted trophy that Aero wanted.

My mother, of course, was very proud.

Aero is leagues beyond any of the men that I’ve been set up with. I can’t imagine it getting any better. If I don’t make this work, I might end up with an Alder for the rest of my life. Gag.

The memory drifts away as I refocus on the scenery around us. In a long, breathtaking moment, we go under the overpass leading to Stony Nakoda, into the towering borderlands of the rain-darkened Rockies. Although it’s late afternoon, even less light reaches us now, making it feel like the end of the day. The end of a too-long, draining day.

We’re entering a separate, secret world. I always love this moment, and I turn to smile at North. Actually, he hasn’t said anything since I told him about Alder. His eyes have turned dark, but not from the muted light. His inviting mouth is tight, his shoulders stiff.

Alarm flutters within me. Yes, this man is very capable of getting angry. What was I thinking? “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have spilled all that to you. I don’t even know you. I…that was rude of me to just unload like that.”

He blinks, his expression clearing back into sympathetic concern. “Oh, no, Lily. I’m glad you told me. I did ask, after all. I just can’t believe someone would treat you like that. It must have been awful.”

I sigh in relief. “It wasn’t my favorite moment. But I survived.”

“But now you’re traumatized about kissing, and whether you’re good enough for your man.”

“Well, I wouldn’t say that I’m traumatized…”

His glance down at my attire is heartbreakingly empathetic. “You ran away from your wedding.”

Okay, well, it’s not like I ran from the alter. I ran away from my hopelessness about Aero’s level of commitment to me. I didn’t run from his lips. “It was more complicated than that.”

“Still. I can understand why you felt so much pressure.” His gaze is intent. “I hope you know that it doesn’t always have to be that way. Kissing – intimacy – it’s a beautiful thing. Not liking it is one thing, but being scared is another. You don’t have to be afraid, Lily.”

His words go straight to my core. The unwinding and loosening continues inside of me, continues until I can almost breathe again. With every comforting stroke and squeeze of his hand, my world settles, and my thoughts pinpoint on one very bad idea:

He might be the key to everything.

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