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Lanie couldn’t think about herself. She had to think of the children all around the world who would die if she didn’t help them. She had to keep going. She was almost done. One more, and then she would retire, and give over the reigns, and finally get her life back on track. She loathed herself for considering, even for one second, giving in. She couldn’t keep going down this slippery slope with Ben. Her feelings for him would ruin everything – already, the mission was in jeopardy. How could she look at the faces of her patients and believe that her own happiness was more important than their lives and suffering? How could she have let anything cloud her judgment? She only had a few more months to organize her strategy, and the few weeks she’d wasted could cost her the whole thing.
When Ben was done, they had a moment of silence, and then a slow song came on as he left. Despite the residual solemnity, Lanie noticed that almost every female, and a handful of the males, were gazing at Ben with fluttery adoration. He smiled politely and nodded at those he passed, but he seemed distracted. Though she refused to look, Lanie could feel three pairs of eyes burning into her head, and she could almost hear her friends’ thoughts about how there was no way that Lanie could disappear him after a moment like that. Her treacherous heart stirred where she’d gagged it, chained it up, and tossed it in a dark corner: Maybe…
Lanie slammed the door on that though just as Jake walked up, and she rearranged her unintentionally wistful expression.
“Having second thoughts? You can still back out, you know.” Hands in his pockets, he gazed down at her.
“I don’t like this anymore than you do. But tell me another way to save him from himself.” She crossed her arms, waiting, but he shook his head with a sigh. It had been easy to convince Jake this was for Ben’s own good without revealing her true motivations. That man had something of a one-track mind when it came to Ben.
“He’s really something, isn’t he? He’s just got such a way with words. And he’s really come along in his musical skills. I could listen to his voice all day.” The look in Jake’s eyes was affectionate.
Maybe it went a little further than professional responsibility and human concern. Lanie could almost understand – she’d had occasional security details where personal feelings had cropped up. “He’s alright. Other than the fact that he talks too much.”
“That’s just because he’s so smart.”
“You definitely seem to like him.”
Jake nodded, almost smiling. “I think we’ve both found a sense of home here. But don’t worry, I’ll take good care of him. Though I really think we should tell him.”
What was she supposed to say to that? She screwed up her nose and shook her head. “You’re not backing out of our deal, are you?” She refilled his cup with ginger ale.
Solemnly, he shook his head. The deceptive part of the plan had taken a lot of convincing, and even now, Jake projected his doubts. “No. I’m going now.”
She gave him a wry smile. “I’ll save you a dance.”
He returned the grim expression. “Fists, guns or knives?”
“I was thinking more like a cha-cha.”
A small eyeroll was the only acknowledgement of her half-hearted, poorly executed flirting attempt. He was better at sticking to his rules than she was, and she knew she was asking a lot of him, considering his dedication to honesty. And integrity. Even after all this time, she still had no prospects. She was so unlucky. She might have to turn to Damian. Or wait until the Spring volunteers came in April, and see what the cat dragged in. She’d need a new hobby, though, because her body was at its limit for punishing workouts. Maybe she’d pick up the piano again. Or learn the guitar.
“Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic” by Sleeping at Last came on over the speaker. When Lanie turned back around, Ben was there, watching her. Frustratingly, heat swept through her whole body, making sweat break out, and she it was difficult to school herself against it. She remembered the garden. Him in those awful pyjamas, with that look of unadulterated hunger in the darkness of his eyes. The call of his body to hers had nearly melted her will. If it wasn’t for that weird confession by the river, she would have given in and let her desire for him sweep those childish notions of his away. But she didn’t need to deal with that religious garbage. She was glad for one more reason to stay away from him. They had nothing in common, and he was no use to her. Worse than no use – a danger.
“I’d like to warm you up for him.” His eyes smoldered.
She pulled at the collar of her long-sleeved charcoal tee-shirt, resisting the urge to fan herself. “Sorry?”
“You’re not planning on taking him on without preparation, are you? You could pull a muscle with a guy like him. Dance with me.” He held out his hand to her. “Come.”
Her heart felt like it might break. This last dance was the most perfect, most beautiful gift, except that it wouldn’t last forever. She should say no. But she didn’t have the energy to fight him. A bigger fight was coming, and she needed to save herself for it. So, she rested her hand in his.
With a tenderness that surprised her, considering the humour in his face, he pulled her into him. His body was becoming so familiar. So comfortable. His head tipped down as he placed one hand on her waist, then the other. Once again, she was walking on a cloud. A very hot, very steamy cloud. For a moment, she couldn’t move, but then he took her hands and wrapped them around his neck. Then, stroking down her arms, over her shoulders, and down her back, he encircled her waist once more.
“I-I love Sleeping at Last,” she stammered instead of thanking him for organizing this night. For everything.
“I know,” he replied, his voice low and smooth.
Was it her imagination, or was he caressing her, ever-so-slightly? After a furtive glance to make sure no one was looking, she rubbed the boundary between the collar of his beautiful shirt and the soft skin of his neck. This made him press his fingers into her hips, and he sighed very faintly. His eyes softened and deepened, pulling her into that secret world that only the two of them shared.
Take me with you…
He had looked so good, shirtless in the moonlight in the courtyard of the hospital. His back was smooth, unlike his scarred hands and arms. Unlike their dance at the school, her hands were free, and since they were there anyway, she let her fingers creep just a little higher to touch the silky hair at his nape. It was so much finer than the rest, and she realized he had never let her touch his neck before. He pulled her closer to him, thumbs gliding on the crest of her hips.
“Be careful. Wouldn’t want to repeat our night by the river.” Her voice hitched unexpectedly on the half-playful, half-weary warning.
“I wouldn’t mind, actually,” he chuckled. “I remember that I almost got to first base.”
“It was a foul. Out of bounds. And a strikeout.”
“I don’t think you know anything about baseball.”
“I know you’re playing with fire.”
His fingers moved a little lower down the small of her back. Just low enough to make his feelings clear. Just high enough to have plausible deniability if she accused him of fondling her rear. “Alright, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have tried to kiss you. I’m not hitting on you this time. I promise.”
“Tell your hands.” Her laugh was shaky. “Aren’t you supposed to be an abstinent monk?”
His eyes darkened to precious antimony as he moved with her. They only occupied a single square foot on the floor. Obligingly, he moved his hands up once again, so that his thumbs met over her naval and his fingers skimmed into the valley of her spine. Her breath caught, and she put her hands on his chest. This was not better.
He kept looking at her with fond warmth. It belied the obvious desire in his huge black pupils. “I’m not. I promise. You made your feelings clear. But I hope we can still be friends. Just this, right here, is more than enough.”
A fist squeezed her heart, and her whole body tensed.
Maybe…
But then Jake came back into the room, nodding at her behind Ben’s back after a curious raised eyebrow, before crossing to the opposite entrance on his way to the admin building. Relieved from the battle, Lanie broke contact with Ben, and slipped her hands from him. His brows drew down, and a shadow flickered over his face. It took him a moment, but then he released his hold on her.
“What’s wrong?”
She smiled brightly, rubbing goosebumps from her arms. “Nothing. I just realized…will you come with me? There’s something I want to show you. In the bunkhouse.”
An answering smile spread across his face. “A surprise? For me?”
“Um, yep. Let’s go!”
Happily, he followed her out into the blissful cool of the evening.
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Lidi 