Finally Home

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Ben pounded on the door of the church until Pastor Bob opened it with a startled expression.

“I need a guitar!” Ben yelled, shoving past to the sanctuary.

Stumbling back, Bob shot her a questioning look, but she shook her head and rolled her eyes. “We came from the courthouse. He just signed the papers to adopt Dre,” she explained. “He said if he didn’t play, he would die.”

“Ah. I’ll leave you guys to it, then.” Shaking his head in laughter, he went back to his office. They were all used to Ben’s antics by now.

Surprisingly, Lanie was enjoying the premarital sessions, even if they were going through them at the speed of light while also trying to plan for their big day. Although she still refused to fold to the idea that Ben should be the “man of the house” as the Roles and Responsibilities section insisted, she had never quite had the concept framed the way the booklet did. Ben wasn’t her boss, but responsible for putting the family ahead of himself and trying to keep them safe and happy. She trusted him. Despite everything, she trusted him. If any good had come from his Christianity thing, he was no longer determined to sacrifice himself to make up for what he saw as his moral shortcomings. He was more relaxed. More willing to take suggestions and had less of a death grip on the children. The fact that he wanted to keep living in his apartment until after the vow renewal, or that he’d been willing to go to the hospital at all, made Lanie breathe a sigh of relief at the thought that maybe, maybe he was starting to care about himself. Maybe he was starting to realize that the best way he could take care of them was to give them all less to worry about. She didn’t realize it until he’d been discharged for a few months, but she was no longer waiting for the next Ben-mergency. She was no longer holder her breath, wondering what inane idea might come into his head next. Well, mostly. 

“Come on, family!” A guitar case bumped against his side as Ben raced toward the backdoor to the church garden.

Dre and the girls looked at her, and she waved them off. Dre opened the door for his sisters, and they all burst outside, back into the sun.

Ben was in the gazebo, tuning the guitar at the speed of light. He strummed an experimental chord just as she joined him and the children. Dre cuddled Summer to himself until Sam tried to grab the guitar, and Ben scooped her up on his lap. He pretended to bite her hand when she tried to rip the strings from the guitar, then swung her up onto his shoulders, where she grabbed two fistfuls of his hair and leaned precariously, trying to see. Summer settled into her favorite spot on his foot, her cheek resting on his shin. Dre extended one lanky arm, which was starting to become more defined with little muscles, to try and keep Sam at bay.

“This one’s for you all of you,” he said into an imaginary microphone. Sam screamed and clapped her little hands. Lanie settled beside him on the bench, making a slicing motion at Sam to make her settle down and listen. She scrambled down Ben’s arm like a monkey, sat on his other foot, and put her sister’s finger in her mouth. Summer barely seemed to notice, gazing in open-mouthed awe at her dad.

And he played “The Story” by Sarah Ramirez. Dre joined in, and then the girls tried to sing it as well. Soon, the little monsters were able to sing, “I was made for you,” almost on time and in tune.

“Come on, Lanie, sing it with us!” Ben encouraged.

Laughing, she rolled her eyes and let him harmonize with her. Over the squalling kids, they sounded pretty good. “And it’s true, I was made for you.”

He chucked her on the chin with a grin, then kissed her deeply. He held the guitar out of the way as all the kids swarmed them, kissing and hugging. And biting, in Sam’s case. But at that moment, Lanie didn’t mind.

“Welcome to the family, Dad,” Dre said, hugging Ben again, for once, he didn’t make a comment about their PDA.

“Come here,” Ben beckoned, and they all gathered around. He took Dre’s chin in his hand. “What I’m about to say goes for all of you. But especially you, my boy. So many times you’ve questioned whether you’re really mine. Whether I’m as devoted to you as I would be to the fruits of my own loins.”

“Dad!”

Ben frowned, rubbing Dre’s face. “Are you growing facial hair?”

Dre turned red and looked down. “No,” he mumbled.

Lanie tilted her head. “Aw,” she said in wonder.

“Mom!” he growled.

“Sorry, sorry. Go ahead, Ben, don’t get distracted.”

“Right. Well, what I was going to say…Wait! Just a minute!” Jumping up, Ben, raced back inside, and then a moment later, came out dragging a resigned and bemused Bob Anderson behind him. “I just want this to be official. You need to be my witness, okay?”

“Sure, Ben. Whatever you need. It’s not like I was busy, or anything.”

“Great! So. Family. Wife of my soul. Child of my heart. Children of…”

“The Corn?” Dre supplied, as Sam furiously pulled on his shoelaces and Summer gazed up at the sky as though divining its secrets.

“My marriage,” Ben corrected. “Here, on this very solemn day, I, Ben Murray Goldberg, promise to be the best husband and father that I can. Dre, your mother has let me share you, which she didn’t have to do, no matter how determined I was to never let you go. The Bible says that the three of you are gifts, and I – ” He blinked as he found himself suddenly under attack by a fuzzy toddler trying to gnaw on his hairy shin. He patted her and went on. “I promise to treasure you. I promise to be Christ to you. I promise to – ow! I promise to love and cherish and protect you, for better or worse, as long as I live. That’s all!” He scooped up his daughter and blew a kiss on her tummy, pulling an unholy screech from deep within the chasm of her open mouth.

Bob stood, grasping Ben’s arm. “Congratulations, son. You’re going to be a great father. You already are. And Lloyd and I are so happy that you’re recovered and back on the team.”

“Recovery is an ongoing process,” Ben said. “So thanks for having me back.”

After a warm embrace that included Sam growling and wriggling between the two men, Bob went back inside. “Have a good picnic! It’s a beautiful day for it.” 

Arm hooked around Dre’s neck, and tears streaming down his cheeks, Ben pressed another kiss to the preteen’s cheek. “Can you guys start down? Don’t go near the river yet, though.”

Again, Dre rolled his eyes. “It’s not like we’re going to drown. Come on, Monsters, let’s get first dibs on the food.” With Sam under his arm like a squealing, wriggling football and Summer placidly holding his hand, Dre went out the gate and down the street. Lanie was surprised that Ben sent them away, expecting him to be stuck to them like elated, sparkly glue for the next few days, at least. She’d been prepared to sit back and watch him dissolve into a happy puddle about his newest dream come true.

Instead, he turned to her, and for a moment, he just looked at her. She smiled uncertainly. “I…hope you were surprised.”

His misty look got even mistier. “Remember how I told you that I fall a little bit more in love with you every day?”

She nodded. “Like Christmas every day..”

“You know what’s better than Christmas?” Stepping closer, he touched her arms with feathery lightness, which immediately made her heart jump.

“Christmas in July?” she ventured.

“No. Just this.”

And he hugged her. It was one of those perfect hugs, one that felt like a toasty, fragrant bath. The expansive warmth of his large hands was like a weighted blanket on the small of her back and behind her shoulders. He pulled her into his plush, sumptuous body, resting his chin on top of her hair. Tucking her hands between them, she nuzzled her face into his chest, inhaling the clean scent of his soft tee, his lotions and deodorant and body wash. He was like a forest in an orange factory. His heart beat strong against cheek, and he breathed evenly, in and out. She rode the waves of that gentle rhythm, instantly transported to another world. One high above this one, where space and time and even life itself was both infinite and infinitesimally small and distinct and indistinguishable from everything around it.

She would not take moments like this for granted ever again. Moments within the moments, when she could stop, and touch him. Moments that she wished would last forever. And for once, his closeness didn’t stir up that ever-present lust in her. Enveloped in his arms, saturated with the happiness of making him happy, she felt as though their closeness transcended sex. It was an embrace so pure and yet so profound that it defied words. It held all the innocence of watching him play guitar as a child and all the intensity of saving him from an arrow. It was joy and peace and light and heat and permanence, all at once. For that one moment, at least, she felt what he must feel during his ridiculous abstinence challenges – a little taste of heaven. 

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