Exultation

Shutting the lid of the laptop, I stretch and go to the window. It will happen any day now, I’m sure of it. I can almost feel each second ticking away, my life dropping like so many grains of sand in the proverbial hourglass of time. It’s an odd feeling. Of course, everyone will die eventually, but this is different from actually having a date to mark on the calendar.

Ironically, it doesn’t look like I will live to see the apocalypse. To be honest, it’s kind of unfortunate, as I was really looking forward to opening that doomsday locker.

Sometimes, there’s terror. Sometimes indifference. Sometimes acceptance, or even relief. The mix of my emotions is as unpredictable as the weather.

Waverly and Nel constantly beg me to use the Lab to try and find a cure. I suspect Nel is doing it anyway, despite my admonitions. I just hope the shareholders don’t find out. That would be a PR nightmare. They would say Nel is crazy and driving the business into the ground. The least I want is to leave my remaining children and grandchild a decent asset.

I know I should be spending more time with my family. For the most part, I can only stand being with Nel. It’s silly, but Waverly looks so much like Arian and Ro that I simply can’t bear it. And Xavia, though also strikingly similar to her mother, is mostly unbearable because of her increasingly unladylike behaviour. It brings back too many memories.

It strikes me again how a girl could be so perfect and well-behaved through high school and college, and then completely turn her back on all of her good Christian values in grad school. I had really thought I had succeeded as a parent after she threw her college graduation cap, and that all of my fears were behind me. Sure, she fought me constantly when I began grooming her to take over running the Eden Tech for me, but I had figured it was just a millennial entitlement thing. I didn’t know how wrong I could be.

After the part I played in what happened to my precious girl, I begin to realize I don’t deserve to live.

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